THE CAST

Ellen Tift

In 1976, Ellen Tift made her acting debut when she was chosen to star in a TV commercial for a cake company while living in Nagasaki, Japan. This commercial aired in Japan for over 12 years, far outlasting the $17 she was paid, which she promptly spent on fire crackers, frozen cokes, and a toy train. At the age of 10, she was selected to portray Helen Keller in “The Miracle Worker” for a repertory theater in Michigan, and was so convincing, even her parents thought she had gone blind. Well... not really. But she did play Helen Keller, and one person thought she was really blind. But they were blind. OK, not really.

Following this magical experience, Ellen became obnoxiously obsessed with being in any play or musical that would cast her, and had fully intended to major in theater until she finally decided that theater people were too weird, and she didn’t want to be around them all of the time. So she chose to pursue a program of study among a more normal and emotionally stable subculture: musicians.

In 1992, Ellen completed her degree at Belmont University in the commercial music program with an emphasis in composition. After graduating, she moved to Miami, FL to attend the University of Miami where she studied orchestration, arranging, and studio production in the Media Writing and Production graduate program. She graduated from there in 1995 with her Master of Music degree receiving an award of academic merit. She soon decided that Miami was hot, and she was tired of being hit on by latino men, so she moved back to Nashville.

In 1998, one of Ellen’s original big band songs “Anyway” won her 3rd place in the Billboard Magazine song contest. She won a guitar, which she cannot play, and blublocker sunglasses which make her look like an insect.

Since then, Ellen has established herself as one of Nashville’s few female music producers and is one half of the music production team Worldwide Groove Corporation [http://www.worldwidegroovecorp.com]. She works primarily in the pop music scene developing and writing with aspiring artists, composing string arrangements, producing chillout music, and obsessing over creative ways to get free publicity... like mentioning the fact that she also administrates the Positive Pop Song Contest [http://www.positivepopsongcontest.com] and then including the site's url in her bio.

In 2002, being highly motivated by astronomical student loan payments, Ellen produced a unique project which combines her love of acting, her musical skills, her quirky sense of humor, and her talent for making an impressive pallet of fart sounds. The enhanced CD “Flatulina’s Fabulous Holiday Spectacular”, features the effervescent sound of orchestral music beds highlighted with flatulence and singing fish. As the name suggests, it is fabulous and spectacular. Her talents can be sampled [and her CD purchased] at http://www.flatulina.com, or digitally downloaded on most reputable paid download services such as iTunes. Go ahead, look her up, we'll wait...

In conclusion, while Ellen may not be the tallest, tannest, or trampiest member of Uncle Sonny’s Pudding Parade, one thing is certain: she is the only member who has been paid for flatulence. And that’s something to be proud of.

FACTS ABOUT ELLEN

* Ellen was born without tonsils.
* Ellen can speak pig latin fluently.
* Ellen once stepped on Michael Jackson’s foot. That was in 1984, before we knew he was a freak.
* Ellen’s mother is known for the year she gave all of the family members clown outfits she had sewn for Christmas. Ellen has never worn her clown outfit. Ungrateful brat.
* In her free time, Ellen likes to take IQ tests online.
* Of Ellen’s old high school boyfriends: one is a minister of music, one turned gay after they broke up, and one went to prison... twice.
* When she was 9 years old, Ellen dressed as a toilet for Halloween.
* When she was 8, Ellen used to write love letters to Shawn Cassidy. But due to a lack of stamps, they were never mailed.
* Ellen was born with a cleft palate, and everything she ate came out of her nose until they fixed it when she was 3.
* Ellen once discovered an unknown and complex mathematical formula. This mathematical formula is at this point in time totally unique, and totally useless.
* Ellen once ate a ladybug. Her sister told her it was candy.
* Ellen used to regularly secretly unwrap her Christmas presents early, then rewrap them and tell no one.
* Ellen used to share popsicles with her dog.